It's been a while since I've written a full review of a film, but due to some minor arguments I've had in the last of couple of days, I feel the need to address this one.
TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Rating: * (out of 5 stars)
It's hard out there for a critic right now, because the summer movie season is one of the more divisive times of the movie-going year - the summer. It's a time for explosions, special effects, and stars that are picked more for looks than talent (and no movie applies more than the one I am about to review). This is the time of year where we get the films that don't win Oscars, but rack up huge numbers at the box office.
And I'm not saying that this is a bad time for films. It's anything but. So far this summer, I have experienced three films that went above and beyond expectations (JJ Abrams' Star Trek, Sam Raimi's long awaited return to horror Drag Me To Hell, and the current candidate for best comedy of the the year, The Hangover). While I was disappointed with Wolverine and Terminator Salvation, I still had an enjoybale experience with those films.
And so far, none of the films I have seen have been bad...until now, that is. Now, before you brand me as the uppity, pretentious, Bergman/Fellini-loving, Hollywood-hating snarky malcontent that you're ready to burn in effigy (which I am), let me start out saying that Transformers actually holds a special place in my heart. I grew up on the original animated series, I enjoyed the now-cringeworthy Transformers: The Movie, and was surpirised at how much I enjoyed the first Transformers film, despite being directed by Michael Bay, who has made three of the potentially worst films ever made. For every The Rock, Bad Boys, and Transformers, there is a Pearl Harbor, The Island, and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
I truly wanted to like this film. I did. And I love bad movies, especially when they are so monumentally crap that they come full circle and become good films. Anyone who has seen Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare will know what I am talking about. But, this isn't a so-bad-it's-good film. This is a just flat out bad film. In fact, I'd go so far as to call it "a racist, sexist, and stupid film that talks down to its audience and runs an hour too long," but I...no, screw it. That's what I am calling this film.
I'm not going to retell you the plot of the film, because it's kind of pointless, and really when it's a Transformers film, what do you need to know beyond big robots fighting? Instead, I'm going to back up my hatred of the film with my reasons why. Here goes.
1. The plot of this film is told to you several times because the filmmakers seem to think audiences are too stupid to remember it when they spell it out the first time and somehow go confused along the way. The story is simple and if you don't even pay attention, you can figure it out. What happened to the use of subtle plot development? In fact, this film is nothing but two hours and 20 minutes of the filmmakers spoon-feeding plot. Is this because the filmmakers think wer are stupid or is our attention span in the days of Twitter so small that we have become this dumbed down? Is this where we are heading? That the most successful ones are the ones on a first grade reading level?
2. Why is this film 2 hours and 20 minutes? What deep story in this film needed this much time to develop? You could have cut this down to 100 minutes and tell the same story. Or is it because if they don't have some sort of explosion/robot fight every three minutes the audience might lose interest? Again, subtlety is always best.
3. Let me address two characters that needed to just be eliminated from the film - Skids and Mudflap. The joke of these two characters is that they are the stereotypical black characters from the ghetto or wanna-be thugs and gangstas. When they aren't perpetuating every unfunny black stereotype in the books, they are adding foul language that has no place in a film aimed at audience members as young as 8 years old. And the number of times they call female characters "bitches" crosses the line on offensiveness. In fact, even once was too much. These characters had no place in THIS film. I don't mind those types of characters or bad language in films, but this film is marketed at kids. They should have been in a Wayans Brothers parody film, because that's where they belong and wouldn't seem out of place. This type of thing tells kids these kinds of jokes are alright. If we're going to win the fight for diversity, these kinds of things have no place in a film kids might see. No, WILL see.
4. How many times did we need the dogs humping? I'm gonna go with none.
5. What was the point of the mom eating pot brownies? It's a funny idea, not for this film.
6. What was funny about a black man working in a deli so he can get new teeth? How did that gag get in here? Racism as a humor device is only effective if you are pointing out the stupidity of racism by mocking stereotype or done with a degree of irony. Or done by the Wayans Brothers.
7. The group of conspiracy buffs in this film was pointless. It's almost mocking anyone who is devoted to a cause, no matter how out there it may or may not be. And also, what 10-16 year old kid is gonna get that?
8. How many times can one character get hit in the nuts? Seriously. Between being tazered and hit in that area, this guy should have been laid out for the rest of the film (possibly after that tazing incident) and not running around as a pointless comedy sidekick. THAT'S SHIA LEBEOUF'S JOB!
9. I know the script began before the WGA strike, but it wouldn't have hurt to push the release date back and do a polish job, except...
10. ...Michael Bay actually began doing the CGI work for the fight sequences before they had a script. And then when a script was comissioned, he told the writers to fill in the gaps to string the sequences together. Cause that's how films are made! And, why does Michael Bay think that by doing shaky cam it will cover bad CGI? It does not.
I know these types of films are supposed to be big, dumb fun. And if that's what they had given me, I wouldn't be on this little soapbox. But, this is offensive trash on every level and has no place in my life. The question is, does it have a place in yours? I hope the answer is no.
We'll see how we disagree on the inevitable sequel.
TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Rating: * (out of 5 stars)
It's hard out there for a critic right now, because the summer movie season is one of the more divisive times of the movie-going year - the summer. It's a time for explosions, special effects, and stars that are picked more for looks than talent (and no movie applies more than the one I am about to review). This is the time of year where we get the films that don't win Oscars, but rack up huge numbers at the box office. And I'm not saying that this is a bad time for films. It's anything but. So far this summer, I have experienced three films that went above and beyond expectations (JJ Abrams' Star Trek, Sam Raimi's long awaited return to horror Drag Me To Hell, and the current candidate for best comedy of the the year, The Hangover). While I was disappointed with Wolverine and Terminator Salvation, I still had an enjoybale experience with those films.
And so far, none of the films I have seen have been bad...until now, that is. Now, before you brand me as the uppity, pretentious, Bergman/Fellini-loving, Hollywood-hating snarky malcontent that you're ready to burn in effigy (which I am), let me start out saying that Transformers actually holds a special place in my heart. I grew up on the original animated series, I enjoyed the now-cringeworthy Transformers: The Movie, and was surpirised at how much I enjoyed the first Transformers film, despite being directed by Michael Bay, who has made three of the potentially worst films ever made. For every The Rock, Bad Boys, and Transformers, there is a Pearl Harbor, The Island, and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
I truly wanted to like this film. I did. And I love bad movies, especially when they are so monumentally crap that they come full circle and become good films. Anyone who has seen Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare will know what I am talking about. But, this isn't a so-bad-it's-good film. This is a just flat out bad film. In fact, I'd go so far as to call it "a racist, sexist, and stupid film that talks down to its audience and runs an hour too long," but I...no, screw it. That's what I am calling this film.
I'm not going to retell you the plot of the film, because it's kind of pointless, and really when it's a Transformers film, what do you need to know beyond big robots fighting? Instead, I'm going to back up my hatred of the film with my reasons why. Here goes.
1. The plot of this film is told to you several times because the filmmakers seem to think audiences are too stupid to remember it when they spell it out the first time and somehow go confused along the way. The story is simple and if you don't even pay attention, you can figure it out. What happened to the use of subtle plot development? In fact, this film is nothing but two hours and 20 minutes of the filmmakers spoon-feeding plot. Is this because the filmmakers think wer are stupid or is our attention span in the days of Twitter so small that we have become this dumbed down? Is this where we are heading? That the most successful ones are the ones on a first grade reading level?
2. Why is this film 2 hours and 20 minutes? What deep story in this film needed this much time to develop? You could have cut this down to 100 minutes and tell the same story. Or is it because if they don't have some sort of explosion/robot fight every three minutes the audience might lose interest? Again, subtlety is always best.
3. Let me address two characters that needed to just be eliminated from the film - Skids and Mudflap. The joke of these two characters is that they are the stereotypical black characters from the ghetto or wanna-be thugs and gangstas. When they aren't perpetuating every unfunny black stereotype in the books, they are adding foul language that has no place in a film aimed at audience members as young as 8 years old. And the number of times they call female characters "bitches" crosses the line on offensiveness. In fact, even once was too much. These characters had no place in THIS film. I don't mind those types of characters or bad language in films, but this film is marketed at kids. They should have been in a Wayans Brothers parody film, because that's where they belong and wouldn't seem out of place. This type of thing tells kids these kinds of jokes are alright. If we're going to win the fight for diversity, these kinds of things have no place in a film kids might see. No, WILL see.
4. How many times did we need the dogs humping? I'm gonna go with none.
5. What was the point of the mom eating pot brownies? It's a funny idea, not for this film.
6. What was funny about a black man working in a deli so he can get new teeth? How did that gag get in here? Racism as a humor device is only effective if you are pointing out the stupidity of racism by mocking stereotype or done with a degree of irony. Or done by the Wayans Brothers.
7. The group of conspiracy buffs in this film was pointless. It's almost mocking anyone who is devoted to a cause, no matter how out there it may or may not be. And also, what 10-16 year old kid is gonna get that?
8. How many times can one character get hit in the nuts? Seriously. Between being tazered and hit in that area, this guy should have been laid out for the rest of the film (possibly after that tazing incident) and not running around as a pointless comedy sidekick. THAT'S SHIA LEBEOUF'S JOB!
9. I know the script began before the WGA strike, but it wouldn't have hurt to push the release date back and do a polish job, except...
10. ...Michael Bay actually began doing the CGI work for the fight sequences before they had a script. And then when a script was comissioned, he told the writers to fill in the gaps to string the sequences together. Cause that's how films are made! And, why does Michael Bay think that by doing shaky cam it will cover bad CGI? It does not.
I know these types of films are supposed to be big, dumb fun. And if that's what they had given me, I wouldn't be on this little soapbox. But, this is offensive trash on every level and has no place in my life. The question is, does it have a place in yours? I hope the answer is no.
We'll see how we disagree on the inevitable sequel.
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